The 8000 Calorie Champion Dinner

After reading The 20 Worst Restaurant Foods In America, I might have to re-calibrate my glycogen replenishment strategy during my March visits to Florida.  I have been wrong all along.  I can do much better and pack even more calories/fat/salt in!

#7, #3, #2, and #1 (scroll down below to see the stats) combine for a Champion Dinner.  A 8000 calorie dinner if you consume only these 4 menu items below!  And surprisingly, the Outback restaurant is home to two of them. 

I love ribs, but might have to stay away from the ones at the Outback from now on.  Wow, 3000 calories is an awesome accomplishment for a restaurant to offer for a single item.  Now that is not an issue for freakish me, as I have been known to pack in excess of 5000 calories in many hundreds of dinners....BUT...you have to be kidding me that the Outback ribs contain 90g of saturated fat and almost 5 grams of sodium.  That should be outlawed. 

You are, of course, going to need a side order to go with the ribs. How about the Jack in the Box Bacon Cheddar Wedges?  Can someone explain to me how is it legal for a business to pack 13g of trans fat into a tiny side dish?  That is criminal.  Please tell me this happens only in America?

After eating all that salt, you are surely going to be thirsty.  I would recommend being proactive and scooping up Cold Stone PB&C Shake on your way to the Outback...have them store it in the fridge while they are masterfully preparing your ribs.  131g of fat in a shake.  That is awesome.  After that debauchery, I hope you left some room for dessert. 

Fortunately, you won't even have to leave the Outback to save the best for last.  Make it an epic dinner and order the Chocolate Thunder From Down Under.  Despite the world of hurt that your stomach might be in, make Joey "The Chestnut" proud by ensuring that you lick the fork clean...are you listening Anthony Paniche?

Enjoy!

PS: If you are still thirsty (you will be) after consuming so much salt, on your way home you might choose to make a quick pit-stop and down one of these 15 Worst Drinks In America.  Ideally, you will choose one that you can order from a drive-thru take-out window--that way you can minimize walking off the dinner.  Down it, hit the sack asap, and have sweet dreams of starting the next day strong...with a Breakfast of Champions.

Disclaimer:  For those who are health-conscious, I would strongly advise against consuming this Champion Dinner...and the advise following it.  Instead you might be interested in reading The Most Nutritious Whole Foods.  Enjoy!

7. Worst Sit-Down Ribs

Outback Steakhouse Baby Back Ribs (full rack)

3,021 calories
242 g fat
(90 g saturated fat)
4,648 mg sodium

We hope the guys at Guinness World Records are paying attention: Outback now holds the dubious distinction of serving the first nationally available entrée in America to pack more than 3,000 calories­. Congratulations.

3. Worst Side Dish

Jack in the Box Bacon Cheddar Wedges

760 calories
53 g fat
(17 g saturated, 13 g trans)
963 mg sodium

It doesn’t take a nutritionist to identify the hazards of a grease-soaked, cheese-slathered sack of deep-fried potatoes, but by appearance alone, nobody could guess what’s really at stake when you order this side from Jack’s. The American Heart Association recommends that people cap their trans fat intake at 1 percent of total calories. For people on a 2,000-calorie diet, that’s about 2 grams per day. See the problem? This sack crushes that number with six times your daily intake—not to mention nearly half your day’s calories.

2. Worst Sweet Drink

Cold Stone PB&C Shake (Gotta Have It size)

2,010 calories
131 g fat (68 g saturated, 2.5 g trans)
880 mg sodium
153 g sugars

There were dozens of contenders in line for this dishonorable distinction, but Cold Stone’s PB&C is the only drink in America to stretch across the 2,000-calorie mark. The combination of peanut butter—good in small amounts, horrendous when liquefied in bathtub-size quantities—and chocolate ice cream outpaces even the worst cookie- and candy-strewn shakes that clutter Cold Stone’s embarrassing shake menu. Suck this thing down and you’ve just blasted away a day’s worth of calories, more than 3 days’ worth of saturated fat, and almost as much sugar as an entire 15-ounce box of Chewy Chips Ahoy! Cookies.

1. Worst Sit-Down Dessert

Outback Steakhouse Chocolate Thunder from Down Under

1,911 calories
88 g saturated fat
135 g carbohydrates

We’ll concede that desserts are intended to be decadent, but there’s a dramatic difference between indulgence and recklessness. Add one of these ice-cream–covered chocolate cinder blocks onto the end of one meal per week and you’re looking at more than 2 extra pounds of body fat each month. Think that extra flab is just inconvenient? Actually, according to numerous studies, it increases your risk of developing a host of conditions from diabetes and high blood pressure to esophageal cancer. Some of those risks are magnified when you factor in the 4½ days’ worth of saturated fat gluing this thing together like toxic cement. Technically this dessert is intended to be split four ways, but the last we checked, it doesn't indicate that on the menu. And even if you were to split it with three friends, you'd still each consume an extra 477 calories after your meal - about as much as if you'd eaten one and a half McDonald's cheeseburgers for dessert! Split the cheesecake with two friends for a better option.